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by October 18, 2016 Women's Corner

“MY EXPERIENCE IS WHAT I AGREE TO ATTEND TO. ONLY THOSE ITEMS WHICH I NOTICE SHAPE MY MIND.” -William James

We can’t change how people feel about us so we stop trying. Toxic relationship is that which drains life and energy out of you. At time we are so deep in it, we deny that we are suffocating in toxin. Toxic relationship makes you weak and ineffective, subjecting self to the whim or the impulse of the person to whom you have given your power. And I thought I was being nice and kind and understanding when in truth I was really neglecting my heart and allowed toxin to mess me up. When I neglected my heart, I noticed I didn’t really like myself enough and words that came out of my mouth were toxic –stinking and pernicious.[restrict]

I’ve had my share of toxic relationships. Would it be fair to say that you have had your share too? I suppose we have all endured the company of people who didn’t even try to reach for our highest good. And we don’t think about it, we can be the toxic in the relationship.

As for me, the relationships that were most debilitating and unhealthy gave me the feeling that I wasn’t good enough, inadequate, always less than… I was compromising my life goals with each moment I stayed around toxic people. It’s like my heart was withering away into something I didn’t recognize – denying all that was natural for me. I found myself not liking myself as I would have liked.

I was guilty of trying with every effort to do what was right, fighting to stay in a relationship instead of giving up too soon. My own self-judgment silenced me for fear of being labeled “not a very nice person.” I failed to recognize that my desire to be nice, agreeable and to be accepted was suffocating my heart. The thing is, “no one really cares”.

Someone said that while some difficult relationships can open our eyes to new perspectives and expand our awareness, some obviously shut us in and hinder our development. We would know one way or another if we remember that change and growth should feel good. We know if we are loved intuitively because its only motive is our happiness.

“Toxic” doesn’t only involve obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It causes internal unrest that resulted from an unhealthy relationship. One of the things that enable you to quickly notice toxic relationship is whatever you say or do is not right. Before you know it, you’re out of the game- cold shoulders and silent treatment. They mock your personality, and speak evil about you, making you feel ashamed or unwanted most of the time. You only feel pardoned and accepted when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging. This is toxic at its worse (ngua chomtilak ra dach me kedi bekemkum).

You’re uncomfortable being yourself around toxic person. Everything is about them and never about you. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word. [/restrict]

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