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THe Merits of a Mistress

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by July 15, 2016 Joke's Time

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.

An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

A lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. [restrict]

A computer scientist says; “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!”

****

Three engineers are carpooling to work

A software engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an electrical engineer are carpooling to work, when suddenly the car stops running and they pull over.

The mechanical engineer says, “I think it’s a problem with the engine. I’ll have to get out and inspect.”

The electrical engineer says, “No, no. It’s got to be an electrical issue. I will grab my meter and troubleshoot to find out what is going on.”

The software engineer says, “Nuts to all that. Let’s just get out and get back in again.”

****

How Would Your Father Have Come In?

Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him. This upset the teacher, who said him, “Johnny, is this how your father would have come in – late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!”

So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he’d come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room. He slammed the door behind him, “So Honey, didn’t expect ME, didya?”

***

Stealthy Scholastics

An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, “You can call me day or night, at this number . . .”

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. “Hey,” he exclaimed, “that’s MY number!”

***

Drivers Ed Student

As the new drivers ed student drove through the red light at the intersection, the instructor admonished him and asked, “Why did you not stop for the red light?”

The student replied, “My brother doesn’t.”

The instructor directed him to return to the school for more instruction before any more driving could take place. On the way back, the student approached the same intersection with a green light, he immediately slammed on the brakes shocking the instructor as well as other drivers. “Why did you stop at a green light?”

The student replied, “You never know when my brother’s coming.”

***Permitted To Learn

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I’ve learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?” [/restrict]

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