THE MAN THAT DRINKS A LOT

  17 Jan 2017

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”

The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.” [restrict]

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time?”

The man says, “I found out that my son is gay.”

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”

The man looks up and says, “Apparently my wife does.”

***

STRESS REMEDY

A girl goes to the doctor and tells him that she has been extremely moody lately and can’t control her temper.

He suggests, “Sounds like stress. You should try getting some exercise. Run 10 miles a day and call me in two weeks.”

She does this and calls him after two weeks, “I’ve been running every and I do feel a little better.”

He asks her, “And how’s your family?”

She replies, “How would I know? I’m 140 miles away.”

****

KEYBOARD SWITCH

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards.

She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.

I started to type, “Leave me alone!”

They both jumped back, silenced. “What the… ” the teacher said.

I typed, “I said leave me alone!”

The kid got real upset. “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!” It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and the computer went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: “Don’t touch me! That hurts!”

Her: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.”

Me: “Who do you think you are anyway?!” Etc.

Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.

After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.

Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class. [/restrict]