How do we get out of a playing the victim role and begin to live an authentic life? Simple answer: Don’t think about what others say or think of you. I stopped trying to be perfect. I stopped the disease of pleasing others.
How do you take the first step into victory? Renew your mind. Mine was coming to terms with the fact that I have been redeemed. In other words, Someone took me out of a place I couldn’t take myself out of on my own. Everything I have is undeserved. It is grace.
When I admitted that when I felt misunderstood, it was because I felt entitled, it sobered me flat on my face. How selfish and arrogant that was! I really don’t own myself. I’ve been redeemed. It took me a while to understand the concept of redemption. I do not own myself. I learned to stop thinking I was entitled, special with brilliance that needed to be recognized. This is a harsh truth about childishness that thinks the world revolved around you. I had to grow up. We’re all born with an ego the size of a school bus. This mindset keeps us locked in our sorry ass life in the dungeon of our own making. We bully, manipulate, blame and criticize others incessantly and have our pity party with balloons and the whole band playing on stage. The song of a contemptuous victim.
It’s a lifelong journey from a victim to a victor… there are still things I need to overcome. Our memories are not erasable. They will always be there in the crevices of our mind (our soul: emotion, intellect, and freewill). Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us by denying the truth. This is when dreams visits us in our sleep. Dreams come to reveal to us what’s been hiding in the dark and must be taken into account [of our being] in the light. Damaged emotions are desperate to come out in the open for healing. I know that when I’m critical or judgemental, something dark wants to come out into the light.
Friedrich Nietzsche said, “If you know the why, you can live any how.” Accepting the causes of being a victim – the relationship of the past to your NOW – is key to freedom. When we acknowledge our sorrows of the past, we can begin to renew our minds with the how. And the hows are so available it’s up to you to embrace them.
So how do I learn to unlearn most of what I know? Let me give you an example. All my life I believed that I should be a faithful member of my parents’ church in order to be saved. I should keep the 10 commandments and rules of the church in order to be saved [from hell]. One day, 25 years ago, I learned something new. “I can only be saved by grace through faith in Christ.” One weekend, I was sitting in the church, suddenly a dark cloud of fear engulfed my soul. It was hard to breathe. I feared going to hell for being in the wrong church on the wrong day with the wrong people in a far away land. So I began to learn to let go of the things which I have learned. It’s like emptying a cup of water that’s been sitting in a room for days and fill it up with a nice nutrient laden smoothie. [with a scoop of ice-cream if you will]. Same cup different drink. And we continue the loop. To refuse to adapt is we get stuck in the quagmire of hate and miss out on the sweetness of life that changing rapidly around us.