Teacher

  03 Mar 2017

Describing his teacher to his mother, Jimmy called her “mean but fair.” “Just what do you mean by that?” – his mother asked. “She is mean to everybody.” – Jimmy replied.
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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. [restrict]
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”
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Wife: I found Aladin’s lamp today. Husband: Wow, what did you ask for darling? Wife: I asked him to increase your brain power by ten times. Husband: Oh… love you so much.. Did he do that? Wife: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t work with zero.
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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”
***
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
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“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,” insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it.”
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The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes – but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle. The child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.”
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College student: “Hey, Dad! I’ve got some great news for you!” Father: “What, son?” College student: “Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?” Father: “I certainly do.” College student: “Well, you get to keep it.”
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“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl. “Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl. “No.” replied the boy. “I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl. “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy “No,” she replied. “Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sign of relief.
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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!” “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!” “Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.” “Give me two reasons why I should go to school.” “Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”  [/restrict]