SON IN COLLEGE ASKING FOR MONEY

  02 Dec 2016

After sending our son away to college, he would too often call up asking for money. One time when he called my husband answered,

“Sure we will send you money”,  he said, “And I also noticed that you left your Physics book here, should we send that also?”

“Uh, oh yeah, OK”, son responded. [restrict]

I asked him afterward how much money he want.

“$1,100”, he said.

When I gave my husband a surprised look, he explained,

“Don’t worry darling, I taped a $100 check on the cover, and the other $1000 check inside the cover!”

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ELECTRIC SAW ACCIDENT

A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers.

At the emergency room, his doctor says: “Give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

The injured man replies: “But I don’t have the fingers!”

“Why didn’t you bring them?” the doctor asks.

The injured man responds: “Doc, I couldn’t pick them up.”

***

BECOMING BEST FRIEND

1st Guy, “Yesterday, my wife left me for my best friend.”

2nd Guy, “Who is your best friend?”

1st Guy, “Robert!”

2nd Guy, “Since when is Robert your best friend?”

1st Guy, “Yesterday!”

****

A STORY ABOUT A KING WITH FIVE WIVES

5 year old son after reading story of a king.

Son, “Mom, I also want five wives… one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…”

Mom, “…and one will put you to sleep.”

Son, “No mom, I will still sleep with you.”

Mom’s eyes filled up with tears, “I love you, son. But who will sleep with your five wives?”

Son, “Let them sleep with daddy!”

Daddy’s eyes filled up with tear, “I love you, son.

****

BAD NEWS AND WORSE NEWS FROM THE DOCTOR

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news.”

“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That’s terrible,” said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

“The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

****

HOW LONG BEFORE I CAN GET A HAIRCUT?

A shady-looking guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy smiles and leaves.

The barber is curious about this, looks over a  friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.” In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop.

“Bill, where did he go when he left here?”

“To your house.” ” [/restrict]