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Silly and Inspiratinal sayings

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by May 12, 2017 Highjink
  • If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
  • You look just like I feel…
  • I’m pretty sure some people’s head is just a backup copy of their butt. [restrict]
  • Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
  • I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor though.
  •  Funny that you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”.
  • We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband thought he was God.
  • Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.
  • A sound defense:
  • Crazy? Me? Nah – It was the voices that told me to do it.
  • I speak fluent Ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.
  • I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
  • Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.
  • What to say to a person that goes on your nerves?
  • I think you deserve a standing ovation … of my longest finger!
  • I’ve been single for so many years I believe I will soon become an album.
  • It is a truth universally acknowledged that your urge to pee intensifies as you are unlocking the door.
  • Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
  • I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
  • All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
  • Of course you’re not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us. [/restrict]
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