21 Mar 2017

Mrs. Green lived in two story house together with an elderly widow. After not hearing from her for a few days, she got a bit nervous. “John”, she called to her son “do me a favor and go find out how old Mrs. Robinson is.” So six year old John went down the stairs and knocked on Mrs. Robinson’s door. [restrict] “So how is she?” asked Mrs. Green when John came back up. “How is she?” repeated John “I’ve never seen her so mad in my life, she said it’s none of your business how old she is.”


A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. “Don’t let it bother you,” said the stranger on the phone, “you folks need all the practice you can get.”


The young parents were concerned because their son, Jimmy, had begun using unkind words that he learned in school. One day, the mother overheard Jimmy calling his sister a “stupid head.” “Jimmy,” she said. “Your birthday is next week. Your father and I bought five presents for you. From now on, every time you use a bad word I’m going to take one of the presents away.” “That’s stupid,” said Jimmy. “O.K., young man,” said the mother, “you just lost one of your presents. Now you only have four. What do you have to say for yourself?” “If I tell you the sentence I’m thinking of right now,” said Jimmy, “I’ll lose the other four.”



At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym. After consulting with one of the trainers, Harry decided to try out a steep treadmill. “Ok”, said the trainer “I’m going to set it for ten minutes, if you want to go longer just press start again.” At first Harry was doing fine but after 5 seconds he started getting tired, and after a minute he jumped off gasping for breath. Walking to the side to sit down, he passed by a friend of his. “Man”, said Harry. “I could barely last a full minute on that treadmill.” “Alright alright”, said his buddy, “no reason to brag!”



e Brian walked into work and saw his coworker looking particularly sour. “Hey what’s wrong buddy?” His friend looked up with a forlorn expression on his face. “You remember last month how my Grandmother’s sister passed on and left me $2,000?” “Yes,” said Brian nodding his head. “And you remember how the month before that her brother passed on and left me $5000? “Uh huh” said Brian again. “Well this month is almost over,” said the coworker with a wave of his hand “and………………..NOTHING!”


Girl Friend

“Brian, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!” “Oh Dan,” responded Brian “I don’t know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!” “Brian, that’s horrible!” said Dan putting his arm around Brian. “What type of a gift does she want already?” “Well, right before she closed the door on my face she said to me: “Why don’t you show me how much you care about me? Why can’t you get me something that goes from 0 to 175 in seconds!” “Dan what should I do? I don’t have that kind of money? I can’t go out and buy her a car!” “A car? Asked Dan. “Who needs a car? Just stop by Target and buy her a scale!” [/restrict]

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