Jokes

  24 Jan 2017

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow – so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?” [restrict]

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

****

Bob: “Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder.”

Jim: “No way man, are you okay?”

Bob: “Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step.”

***

Police officer: “Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.”

Driver: “You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!”

****

Are you two twins?

No, why do you ask?

Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes.

OK that’s enough, your driver’s license please.

****

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“

And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.

****

Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”

Wife: “No.”

Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”

Wife: “No, why?”

Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”

***

Mother: Eat your bread.

Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.

Mother: So you become big and strong.

Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?

Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.

Child: But I don’t like bread! [/restrict]