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Job Available for Accounting Position

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by April 21, 2017 Joke's Time

A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.

Accountant1: I’m here for the accounting position [restrict]

Boss: what’s 2+2?

Accountant1: 4

Boss: get out

Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.

Accountant2: hey I’m here for the accounting position

Boss: what’s 2+2?

Accountant2: 4

Boss: get out.

Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that stupid he doesn’t want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.

Accountant3: hi, I’m here for accounting position

Boss: what’s 2+2?

Accountant3: anything you want it to be.

Boss: you’re hired.

***

Lawyer do have Heart, BUT

?A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.

“I do have three hearts,” said the doctor. “The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It’s $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It’s $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It’s $500,000.”

“Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!”

“Yes, but it’s from a lawyer, It’s never been used.”

****

Custody of child after divorce

?A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.

The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.

So the jury asks the woman first.

She says, “Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me.”

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.

The man replies, “OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine”

***

You’re beautiful!

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”

She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!” [/restrict]

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