Horse

  31 Mar 2017

 

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” [restrict]

Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

***

Paddy is talking to two of his friends at work.

His first friend confides to the other two, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

 

The second friend then also confides, “Wow, me too! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

Paddy thinks for a minute and then says, “You know – I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Both his friends look at him in complete disbelief.

Paddy sees them looking at him and says, “No, seriously. The other day I came home early and found a jockey under our bed.”

****

I went to my boss at work and said, “I need a raise. Three other companies are after me.”

He said, “Really? Which other companies are after you?”

I said, “The electric company, the gas company and the phone company.

***

An electrician finishes repairing some faulty wiring in an attorney’s home and hands him the the bill.

”Four hundred dollars! For an hour’s work?” shouts the attorney. ”That’s ridiculous! I’m an attorney and even I don’t charge that much.”

The electrician replies, ”Funny, when I was an attorney I didn’t either!”

****

Firefighter

A firefighter climbs the ladder to the bedroom of a burning house.

In the bedroom he finds a beautiful young woman.

“Ah”, he says, “you’re the third pregnant girl I’ve rescued this month”.

The young woman says, “But, I’m not pregnant!”

The firefighter replies, “You’re not rescued yet.” [/restrict]