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Hilarious  jokes

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by May 5, 2017 Highjink

 

Best first: “I was sitting in a bus today when a blind person came in. I offered my seat to him. The blind person was very happy and took it. Unfortunately I lost my job as a bus driver.”

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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. [restrict]

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

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What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?

It’s when the blind try to read your face.

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Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

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Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

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Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.

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Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”

Me: “No.”

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I am coughing and my nose is stuck.

Internet diagnosis: I am 26 weeks pregnant! [/restrict]

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