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by February 3, 2017 Highjink

Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Now turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.

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I was going to start a Procrastinators Club. But then I realized I’d have to reject anyone who actually turned up at the meeting so I decided to put it off again. [restrict]

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I forgot my cell phone when I went to the toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.

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Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!

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I did a self-defense course. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion now.

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They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

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What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?

The slow swimmer.

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If alcohol influences short-term memory, what does alcohol do?

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I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.

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I hope the children will never find out why I say ‘oooops….” so often when I vacuum their rooms.

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To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant. But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

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My cat got ran over by a truck yesterday and survived.

I’m worried.

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Important note from a car manual:

Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.

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