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by January 27, 2017 Highjink

“Mom, don’t get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”

“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now.

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Can we start our phone calls differently?” [restrict]

The kangaroo mother got incredibly itchy around her belly. She opened her pouch and yelled into it:

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“How often have I told you not to eat the crunchy cookies in bed!”

What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?

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“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”

-“I would like to have a polar bear.”

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When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he doesn’t mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he wants her to laugh at his jokes.

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Life Hack:

If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.

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That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.

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Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?

Because there weren’t even any roads during the Jurassic Period!

****

hy do you call your dog ”I-know-what-you-did”?

-I love how many people jump 3 feet high when I start calling him.

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Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.

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I broke my personal record for a 100 meter dash: I’m on 64 meters.

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She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…

He: Just call in sick then.

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If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now. [/restrict]

 

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