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by January 27, 2017 Highjink

“Mom, don’t get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”

“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now.


Can we start our phone calls differently?” [restrict]

The kangaroo mother got incredibly itchy around her belly. She opened her pouch and yelled into it:


“How often have I told you not to eat the crunchy cookies in bed!”

What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?


“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”

-“I would like to have a polar bear.”


When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he doesn’t mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he wants her to laugh at his jokes.


Life Hack:

If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.


That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.


Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?

Because there weren’t even any roads during the Jurassic Period!


hy do you call your dog ”I-know-what-you-did”?

-I love how many people jump 3 feet high when I start calling him.


Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.


I broke my personal record for a 100 meter dash: I’m on 64 meters.


She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…

He: Just call in sick then.


If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now. [/restrict]


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