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by January 24, 2017 Highjink

“Mother, why do people die so quickly in our family?”

“Mama?”

“Mama?”

“Maaaammaaaaaaa!” [restrict]

****

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“

Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

***

Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?

No, I didn’t know that.

There you go.

***

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

***

A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

***

Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.

Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.

***

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

****

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.

***

Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.

She said no, on both occasions.

****

Does your dog bite?

Nope.

Oh, so how do you feed him?

***

“Waiter, take your thumb off my schnitzel immediately!”

-“Oh yeah? And have it fall down again!?”

****

Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?

Passenger: No, I am in a hurry. [/restrict]

 

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