“Mother, why do people die so quickly in our family?”
Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”
Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul.
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to marry me.
She said no, on both occasions.
Does your dog bite?
Oh, so how do you feed him?
“Waiter, take your thumb off my schnitzel immediately!”
-“Oh yeah? And have it fall down again!?”
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?
Passenger: No, I am in a hurry. [/restrict]