“Why is that person always so angry at her?” Someone asked.
“Because that person can no longer manipulate, control, or send her on a guilt trip. She’s free.”
When I say, “What others say or think of me is none of my business.” I don’t mean we just do what we want. What we really want is balance. To be ’emotionally intelligent’, we need to have some awareness and consideration of what others may be saying or thinking of us while not caring so much that it prevents us from being effective and original – unique human beings. [/restrict]
Worrying about what other people think is the cause of all kinds of superficial behavior, embarrassment, missed opportunities, inner resentments, regret, and even bitterness.
Why guilt works. You can be controlled through guilt because you’re basically a decent person. If you didn’t have a conscience then there would be no guilt to use against you. In addition, it’s likely that you have been conditioned in the past to feel guilty and unrealistically responsible for someone else’s emotions and actions.
Maybe other people made you feel overly responsible: ‘You made me do this!’, or ‘After all I’ve done for you, how could you treat me like this?’ and “You never help” and so on. Here’s a classic, “Ngera ma sink a kmal mui ra blatong?” LOL Guilt trippers play the martyr, constantly remind you what they have done for you and know exactly how to make you feel bad so they can get what they want.
Guilt is another way of bullying. And make no mistake, although this manipulative behavior may not seem aggressive, it is. The emotional blackmail of the guilt tripper is still a way of gaining control over you. Even though they are not shouting and threatening it is still behavior designed to dominate you. That’s why it’s bullying.
Guilt trippers are all ‘me, me, me!’ Drama Queens, really. Guilt tripping is selfish and childish behavior at its worst. If they do any non-selfish behavior it is for their own gain, never letting you forget what they’ve done or suffered for you and others.
It’s one thing to have a guilt tripper in your life but it’s another to have your behavior and emotions controlled by them.
Just think how much easier your life is going to be when you are no longer manipulated into feeling and doing what you don’t really want. No longer being controlled though emotional blackmail doesn’t mean you always have to say no but it does mean you’ll make decisions based on logic, not enforced guilt trips. We exercise our gift of reasoning before making right decisions. We do not allow ourselves be manipulated by discerning. And we forgive ourselves for letting guilt trippers that have manipulated and controlled us in the past, [pray for them].
I find it interesting that God never said to Adam, “Ngera meng kora mekesai a rdechel sel kerrekar…? Even though he knew exactly what happened. He just asked, “Ke ngarker?” because they didn’t show up for evening walk. He gave Adam space to think and admit his mistake, taking responsibility for his own choices, which he didn’t. He blamed Eve. [/restrict]