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Funny sayings

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by May 9, 2017 Highjink

I’m aware that the voices in my head aren’t real. But their ideas are just awesome sometimes!

Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him.

I’m not lazy. I’m just naturally a very relaxed person. [restrict]

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but so far nobody has seen me and Batman together in the same room.

What can you say when it’s already late and you really want to go home?

Can you hear that? That’s my pillow calling and it becomes really mean when I let it wait too long.

Do I look like a suppository?

(No)

So why am I expected to crawl up my boss’s ass?

My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.

A housewife’s battle:

The household stares at me. I stare right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won!

Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

I’m all for irony, but the phrase “Good morning” seems to be going a bit too far.

I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.

You can only be young once. But you can enjoy being infantile forever.

Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.

No thanks, I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.

I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight. [/restrict]

 

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