Funny quotes and sayings:

  17 Jan 2017

 

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

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Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.” [restrict]

Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”

Doctor: “Nine.”

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A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

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Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

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My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

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Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…

What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

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Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn’t in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I’m sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”

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Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door. [/restrict]