Thu. Feb 27th, 2020

Fathers Then and Now

  • Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
  • In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
  • Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
  • In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
  • Today, it’s the size of his minivan.
  • In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
  • Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
  • In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
  • Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
  • In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
  • Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
  • In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
  • Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
  • In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
  • If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
  • In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
  • Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”
  • In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
  • Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”
  • In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
  • Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..”
  • In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
  • Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams: “I wanted Sega!”
  • In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
  • Today, it’s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
  • In 1900, fathers said, “A man’s home is his castle.”
  • Today, they say, “Welcome to the money pit.”
  • In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
  • Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO.
  • In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
  • Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”
  • In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters’ suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.
  • Today, fathers break the ice by saying, “So…how long have you had that earring?”