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Cool and funny sayings

by April 21, 2017 Highjink
  • My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
  •  It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
  • Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver. [restrict]
  • Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
  • Of course I have a talent. I’m really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.
  • “If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level.”
  • According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
  • My love for you is like diarrhea. I just cannot hold it back.
  • I’m sorry, could you please help me fix my phone? It doesn’t appear to have your number.
  • I have a telepathic watch and they’re telling me you’re not wearing any panties. (But I am wearing my panties!) Oh! Damn, that thing‘s an hour fast.
  •  If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
  • Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.
  • A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
  • My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
  • I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
  • If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, I’m not drunk.
  • Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
  • They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
  • As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
  • There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
  • When somebody doesn’t get something:
  •  I’m sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.
  • Finally, the spring is here! I’m so thrilled I wet my plants. [/restrict]
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