Sat. Jan 25th, 2020

Clean jokes

“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”

“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”

“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.” [restrict]

****

A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave.

Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.

When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer for five minutes.

When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the turkey do?”

****

A girl asks a boy: “Peter, how much do you love me?”

The boy looks her in the eyes, “Look up at the stars, that’s how much I love you.”

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, “Exactly!”

****

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow – so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

****

Are you two twins?

No, why do you ask?

Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes.

OK that’s enough, your driver’s license please.

****

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“

And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.

****

Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”

Wife: “No.”

Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”

Wife: “No, why?”

Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.” [/restrict]