By the time you read through …

  12 Sep 2017

By the time you read through this you wil understand ‘TANJOOBERRYMUTTS’

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel …

Room Service : “Morrin. Roon sirbees.” [restrict]

Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

Room Service: ” Rye . Roon sirbees…morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”

Guest: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”

Room Service: “Ow ulai den?”

Guest: “…..What??”

Room Service: “Ow ulai den?!?… Pryed, boyud , pochd?”

Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry..Scrambled, please.”

Room Service: “Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?”

Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”

Room Service: “Hokay. Ansahn toes?”

Guest: “What?”

Room Service: “An toes. ulaisahn toes?”

Guest: “I…. Don’t think so..”

RoomService: “No? Udo wan sahn toes???”

Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘udo wan sahn toes’means.”

RoomService: “Toes! Toes!…WhyUoo donwan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?”

Guest: “Oh, English muffin! !! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RoomService: “We botter?”

Guest: “No, just put the botter on the side.”

RoomService: “Wad?!?”

Guest: “I mean butter… Just put the butter on the side.”

RoomService: “Copy?”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

RoomService: “Copy…tea.. meel?”

Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please… And that’s everything.”

RoomService: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy … Rye ??”

Guest: “Whatever you say.”

RoomService: “Tanjooberrymutts.”

Guest: “You’re welcome”

Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND’TANJOOBERRYMUTTS

Artist gets noticed

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor….”

****

Last request…

Two convicted murderers, who were sentenced to die by lethal injection on the same day, were led to the room where they would meet their Maker. The last rites were performed by the priest, the formal speech was given by the warden and the final prayers were said by the participants. Turning to the first man to die, the warden solemnly asked, “Son, do you have any last request?”

“Yes sir, I do,” replied the condemned man. “I love dance music. Could you please play ‘The Macarena’ for me one last time?”

“Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?”

“Please, I beg you,” pleaded the second man. “Kill me first.”

***

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely …

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the

trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’ Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

***

One night, as a couple lay …

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?” [/restrict]