A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was “cute.” She asked, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!” [restrict]
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, “And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LOVES GROWING TOMATOES
A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, “What do you do to get your tomatoes red?”
He replies, “Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”
The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, “How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?”
“No,” she replies, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”
PA WON’T LIKE IT
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”
“Aw, come on, boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well, OK,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon.” [/restrict]