A middle-aged woman enters her family doctor’s office in a frantic state. She says, “Doctor, I think I’m turning into a horse!”
The doctor, taken aback, replies, “I’m sure you may have some problem, but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse.”[restrict]
The woman became more insistent and said, “Doctor, look at my teeth. They’re getting bigger and more yellow!”
The doctor calmly replied, “Yes, I see. Your teeth appear a bit larger and more yellow than your last visit, but I don’t think you’re turning into a horse.”
Getting more frustrated, the woman said, “Well, I think I’m getting a mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It’s grown 5 inches in one week!”
Becoming more concerned, the doctor said, “You’re not turning into a horse. We’ll just shave your neck occasionally.”
At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking faster and louder, “Just look at my finger and toe nails! They’ve become very thick and big. I’m developing hooves!”
The doctor in amazement cried, “Holy cow! I’ve never seen finger and toe nails that big!”
Then the woman pulls up the back of her skirt and said, “And look at this, doctor. My backbone is protruding significantly from my butt!”
The doctor looked in amazement, then started scribbling on a small piece of paper.
The woman asked, “Are you writing me a prescription?”
The doctor said, “No. I’m writing a memo to my brother-in-law. He works at City Hall. Take this to him and he’ll give you a permit to take a dump in the street!”
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. “I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know,” said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
Don’t mess with Old People.[/restrict]