A Few Laughs for You

  16 Feb 2018

  • Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
  • Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
  • After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
  • I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. [restrict]
  • I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
  • No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
  • I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: “CHECKOUT TIME IS 18”
  • “If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?”
  • Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?”
  • Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
  • On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was… surrounded by trees and bushes.
  • Why is it that most n*dists are people you don’t want to see naked?
  • I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.
  • The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
  • Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years …. then we met.
  • Home is where you can say anything you like ’cause nobody listens to you anyway.
  • I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, they know me here.
  • Sign in pet store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the ‘terminal’?
  • I see your IQ test results were negative.
  • I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
  • Regular naps prevent old age….. especially if you take them while driving. {/restrict]