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A customer at Green’s Gourmet

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by May 18, 2018 Joke's Time

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.

“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 each,” says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough,” says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”

****

Do Something Nice

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his Blonde brother and told him, ‘Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill.’

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

But when the $200.00 bills kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

‘Well,’ said the Blonde brother, ‘you said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie.

So I rented him a tuxedo.’

***

Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:

Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

 

The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

 

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