Wed. Jun 26th, 2019

We find them funny, amusing, often true and certainly worth passing on:

  • Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  • At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
  • One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. [restrict]
  • Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
  • You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
  • Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  • You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  • You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  • The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
  • Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. …(v3r)
  • It’s impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  • Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  • Old ladies can eat more than you think.
  • You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
  • Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
  • You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.
  • If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
  • Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a “use by” date?
  • *Peter Kay is an actor, comedian and writer from Bolton, Lancashire, England, where he is greatly liked and respected. He is known to be a keen observer of northern life in England. [/restrict]
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