20 years with my wife

  12 May 2017

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She put on her robe and went downstairs.

He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. [restrict]

He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall.

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?” she asked.

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?” he asked.

“Yes I do.” she replied.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes I remember.”

“Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.’Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail’?”

“Yes I do”, she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, ” You know I would have gotten out today.”

****

Do you remember

A couple who’d been married for over fifty years was sitting on the sofa.

The wife said, “Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?”

He moved over and sat close to her.

“Dear,” she continued, “do you remember how you used to hold me tight?”

He reached over and held her tight.

“And,” she went on, “do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me

and nibble on my ear?”

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Well,” answered the husband, “I have to go and get my teeth.”

***

A woman got married

A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.

She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.

She got married again and that husband failed in bed.

Finally, she put an ad in the paper:

“Looking for a man who won’t abuse me, won’t leave me, and won’t fail me in bed.”

The next day, the doorbell rings.

There is a man with no arms and no legs.

“Hello, I saw your ad in the paper,” he says.

“Tell me a little about you.”

“Well, I have no arms, so I can’t hit you.

I have no legs, so I can’t run out on you,” he replies.

“How do I know you’re good in bed?” she asks.

He says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?” [/restrict]